Very nice! 
Although it was a bit confusing at times (sorry 
), that didn't keep me from liking it. It was very funny and enjoyable.
Only one small problem I spotted,
Razuz and Aeone are the only ones who don't develop a spitting headache when he starts talking and bragging.
I believe you meant 'splitting', not 'spitting'.
Other than that, it was fine for me. I'll be looking for more!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Moonily doesn't give off a very good impression
I was hoping he'd say something... with a little more personality. This just sounds a bit generic.
The stricken-out (please, ignore my word-putting-together-ness) part is explained by the quote following it, and is as a result rather unnecessary.
So many pronouns! I'm not sure what him is who and when, and what's on second? [/my poorly executed joke] In this case, it's more helpful to repeat names for clarification.
In general, watch out for big blocks of information. If you were telling a story standing at a microphone onstage, and had to step aside and say, "wait a minute, let me tell you what's happening", you should rethink the paragraph.
Any confusion or awkwardness could be corrected if you read the whole thing out loud and see where things maybe aren't as smooth as you might like them to be.
I think I missed somewhere... what kind of mutants are they?
The orchestra performance might transition a little smoother if one of the characters was at the performance and is recalling the rest of the story? Random thought. Otherwise it's kind of the music piece on one hand, and the mutant part on the other.
I like the humour you put in.
Love this part!
Also, the character part confuzes me a bit. I can't keep them straight.
I really like this. I still can't see how they're mutants, though. Oh, well, you're probably leading up to telling us that.
really good story especially the symphony bits
Well!
I'm reading your story through and it's real absorbing. Good work!
I don't know what others think, but I like the longish introductions to the characters. It just seemed to make it all the more intresting.
So, pretty much useless review for helpfulness, but oh well.
i liked this piece too, your character development is coming along nicely. I too got a little confused, i think its the unusual charcter names and the large amount of characters.
Thanks for letting me know about part two or I would have missed this!
Meevs
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